Plastic Merits – The Unknown Arrogance

I remember a few years ago, I happened to have an epiphany that really changed my views on life and why I do kind gestures and acts of kindness towards others.
Here is how it all came about.

The N.H. Mall
________________________________________
It was December and Christmas was only a few weeks away. People were hurrying to do their shopping and find the best sales they possibly could. Christmas music was in the air everywhere. Money was extremely tight and is even tighter right now, but my lovely wife wanted to travel out to the NH mall in Manchester to do her shopping for some gifts for our children. My duty was to keep the kids busy and away from my wife so she could find them the gifts they wanted.

It was New Hampshire and that being said, it was snowing. Slush was on the ground from the sand and salt that the plow trucks were spreading. People were hurrying to get into the mall and out of the bad weather. Some people were running out of the mall to their cars, as if the snow was burning their skin or was going to melt them, although it was very cold that day.

Despite the frenzy, I was taking my sweet time and walked over to the double doors to the entrance of the mall. We had just dropped my wife off on the other side of the mall and we were going in to get a bite to eat when I noticed a man struggling with a few bags that he was carrying. He looked as though he was about to drop them and as if he was having a very bad day.

I ran over to the doors and opened them up really wide, holding them in place for him with a big smile on my face so that he could walk through them without any problems. After all, it was Christmas time and I was feeling in the spirit of the holiday, “chestnuts roasting on an open fire – Jack Frost biting at your toes,” or was it your nose?
I think that is the way it goes – who knows…?

As he walked through the doors, he gave me the dirtiest look anybody can throw in your direction. He also said some choice foul words that shocked me down to the pit of my stomach. After he walked past me I wanted to slam the door right into his face.

I looked at the back of his head as he walked by me, all the while hearing him swear at me like a drunken sailor. I walked through the door, heading in the opposite direction with my kids. We went to the food court without any conversation.You can just imagine what was crossing my mind at that point in time.

While I was standing in the line and waiting on our food, my mind kept racing. I was festering inside and building up such bad energy that the vibes coming off my body must have been really strong. I looked around to see that everyone standing in line with us was staying away from me. I must have had three feet of empty space around me. I was making everyone else in line feel very uneasy just by standing next to them. I started wondering, “What is their problem?”

We sat down next to a kind family with little kids. When I turned my back, I noticed that they got up and moved away from us by three to four table lengths, food and all. That really annoyed me as well. Again I was thinking, “what is their problem?” I was too blind by anger to see that it was really my own fault.

I started eating my food and before you knew it, I was finished. I wolfed the whole meal down without ever tasting it. I was then bugging my kids to finish with their meals so we could find my wife and rush home so I could be by myself. I wanted to reflect on what I had thought was a very bad day.
After finding my wife we exited the mall. On the drive home, my wife turned to me and asked, “So what is your problem?” My reply was classic – I turned to her and barked out, “NOTHING! I HAVE NO PROBLEM!” No one said one word in that car for the rest of the drive home. Sad…

I was so P.O.ed that all I kept thinking about was how I should have done this to that ungrateful man or I should have said that to the ungrateful man…etc etc. How many times has something happened to you and you walked away with this really bad feeling inside your gut that you should have done this or you should have said that
to this individual? This bad feeling not only affects you, but also affects (or infects like a disease) everyone you come into contact with.

Really Sad!

I was driving around by myself after a few days had passed and I had time to calm down and think. I had this epiphany. I always asked myself, “Why do I do the things that make me so mad and angry?” But for some strange reason I never gave my problem at the mall any thought. Nor did I question what had happened. I just became so angry that it affected everyone standing around me, including my family and friends.
I blamed everything on that man at the mall. But was it really his fault?

The Epiphany:
________________________________________

Here is what I found when I asked myself the following questions:

First, why did I become so angry at this man with empty words?
Why was he acting like that?

But who did I really hold that door open for, anyway?

Second, did I hold that door open for that angry man or did I hold that door open for myself?

Let’s explore this mind puzzle a little deeper and see how selfish I really was being that cold stormy day.
________________________________________

Plastic Merits

First, let’s look at the word merit. I feel this word will bring up why everyone does false good deeds (plastic – fake – gestures) without planning to on a day to day basis.

Now, the word ‘Merit’, from the Webster’s Dictionary, says, “Something deserving reward, praise, or gratitude, honor given for superior qualities, awarded for excellence, emotional considerations, etc. to deserve.”

‘Did I really hold that door open for the wrong person?’ I wondered. After giving this some deep thought, I came to have this epiphany that my reasons for holding the door open that day were wrongly done. I held that door unknowingly to gain merit from this man that I did not even know. He was just some stranger that I was looking for approval from.

Why?

We walk through life day to day ignorant of how our own egos can go unchecked. We believe we are humble beings. But are we? Are we really humble beings who care for others without wanting any merit back in return?

Ask yourself, ‘Can I do a good gesture for some unknowing person and actually want nothing back in return? Can I do a good deed without ever telling anybody that you have done it?’ Most people cannot do this. Most people will need something back in return for putting out their own positive energy or to do a good deed to help out another human being that has not asked for their assistance. This can come in a form of spiritual payment, or otherwise.

When you push yourself on to others by doing good deeds without ever asking if they want your help, it can be a very bad thing. Especially if you expect to hear some kind words like, “Wow You Rock Dude,” or something small and basic like, “thank you.” When you exhibit an excessive amount of kindness toward another person, sometimes you are actually robbing that person of their own dignity, which means self respect and honor. They will begin to feel really badly about themselves, because they can not give something back to you in return for your kindness, like a payment (favor) to help restore the spiritual balance that you have caused an emotional unbalance in.

When you give something and expect to get something back in return, whether you are aware of it or not, you can disrupt a balance in the force of nature. A force of nature can be how someone is feeling, like emotions. Sometimes it can be how someone is thinking or how they process their thoughts. The person or people you have helped without their permission will now start to build resentment towards you. Try to understand when you help someone out and they want to give you back something in return that you should accept it. It is their way of giving payment back, not just for your services, but also for the emotional forces at work on a higher level that you both may not be aware of.
When you give from your heart there will be a certain vibrational energy connected with the giving. Without that kind & good energy attached, your good deeds or kind gestures will be empty and worthless. This individual you think or believe you are helping will unknowingly start to develop animosity toward you. Eventually you both will come head to head with your friendship and the relationship will be over. The both of you will be left not understanding why or where it went wrong.

________________________________________
Conclusion:

So who did I really hold that door open for on that cold stormy day at the NH mall?
I held the door open for my own selfish reasons. I held the door open for that man and I was looking for his approval or good merits to be thrown in my direction, but it never came back to me in that way. That was my own selfish fault. I was in a sense acting like a good person, but in my heart I was actually being a selfish and fake (plastic) person. I was looking for a reward (merits) for my fake behavior.

Now I hold the door open for myself and when I do hold open a door for others I look for nothing in return. Why? you may wonder. Because now I try to accomplish at least one good deed for myself, everyday. If I accomplish two or more, that’s even better. But if I hold open a door and someone becomes upset with me, I do understand where they are coming from and it does not make me feel ill inside anymore. I am also more aware of my actions now. When something does hurt me, I do not take it out on the ones around me that I care most about and that I love so dearly.

When you see someone struggling with a chore, instead of saying, “Do you (need) some help with that?” rephrase the question like this, “Excuse me, would you (like) a hand with that?
Replace Need with like – Replace help with hand..

Can you see the difference in the two ways of asking the same question?
You are not robbing that individual of their dignity by making them feel that they can’t do things for themselves.
This does take practice. In the healing community or in the understudy of a martial art we are all taught, “think of what you are going to say, before you say it.” Because with all words come actions.Actions of thoughts – actions of feelings – actions of taking action or actions of giving action. Try your best to think before you speak with others or do for others and please choose your words wisely and carefully as with your actions.

There are people in need all around us. All we have to do is learn to open up our eyes and our hearts and give without taking or wanting back. I feel this was really how the creator wanted it in the first place, for all of us. We just got a little bit off track, so how about all of us making that little extra effort to get back up on those tracks and move in a forwardly kind of direction?

Thank you for reading my thoughts.

With much respect,

Peter Freedman Sensei Guro
Reiki Master Healer

No related posts.

Tagged as: enlightenment, inspiration, philosophy